Male-Female Conversations

Male-female Conversation As A Form of “cross-cultural communication” in Deborah Tannen’s “Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers” and “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?”

 In contemporary society, men and women have a lot of difficulties communicating. Men can be really direct and dry, meanwhile women can go round and round about a simple topic and express every feeling toward it. Boys and girls are raised differently and in the long run, they stick to their habits of communication. Peer Schneider (2011) argues that the problem is that we live in an extremely sexist society- biased toward women. Women constantly blame men for their masculinity, punish them for thinking like men, and scorn them for failing to adopt the female style of communication. Tannen states in her essay “Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers” and “Sex, Lies, and Communication…” that male-female conversations are a form of “cross-cultural communication”. This term implies that there is no understanding between men and women in a conversation because of their cultural gender differences. Although Tannen’s critics argue that her theory of “cross-cultural communication” contains generalizations about men and women, her theory is valid because it provides specific examples of why men and women actually miscommunicate.

          Communication is based in men and women’s culture, as said before, boys and girls are raised differently, this being the reason for different communication styles and different expectative between them. As Tannen states in her essay: “From the time they’re born, they’re treated differently, talked to differently, and talk differently as a result” (241). Culture is an important part of a great conversation; it’s the main source of how people talk. Boys and girls grow with a chain of habits and patterns, or culture, that travel in contradictory perspectives building differences in the long run of how as adults they would communicate. These cultural differences include different expectations about the role of talk in relationships and how it fulfills that role (Tannen 241).

          Tannen’s “Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers” and “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” presents that male-female conversation is a form of “cross-cultural communication” and proposes that miscommunication between men and women is inherently gendered. The author’s theory is valid as it provides specific examples of why men and women actually miscommunicate. All the facts about the “cross-cultural communication” make Tannen’s theory credible because they’re from authentic situations in conversations between men and women in the actual world. These facts and examples are brought to men and women so they can learn that between them are cultural and gender differences that don’t let them have a fluent conversation. Tannen’s solution to the miscommunication between men and women is that if one of them recognizes or is aware of the differences in conversational styles, they should accept that there are differences in habits and assumptions. Men and women should be more conscious of the author’s solution when they are having a conversation so their relationships can survive.

Deborah Tannen's Official site 

Masculine Myths in Graham Greene’s “The Revolver in the Corner Cupboard”

Masculine Myths as influences and guides to a self-destructive behavior in Graham Greene’s “The Revolver in the Corner Cupboard”

 Graham Greene's Biography

            With the exception of puberty, boys and men’s lives are not marked as clearly by reproductive changes that occur throughout their lives. At puberty, boys develop more muscle and deeper voices, as well as pubic and facial hair. But deeper voices, bigger muscles, and more hair do not turn a boy into a man; he goes through a “rite of passage”. Boys prove manhood by showing they are skilled and competent like their fathers. In the absence of clear rituals or markers that prepare and test them for manhood, many create their own initiation rites. In “The Revolver in the Corner Cupboard” Graham Green introduces his self-devised “rite of passage” of playing Russian roulette. The narrator’s “rite of passage” centers on masculine myths that are clearly not popular for teenage girls. The gender myths of society that influence and guide the narrator’s self-destructive behavior until he becomes a man are aggressiveness, toughness, competitiveness, power and the need to prove himself by a test or challenge. 

  Some of these rites occur in the context of life affirming friendships through recreational and organized sports, outdoor adventures, music and social activism. Boys test their strength, courage, intellect, and skill against themselves and other boys as they move through adolescence. The narrator in “The Revolver in the Corner Cupboard” is a seventeen year old that was terribly bored and in love with his sister’s governess. He states that “at that age one may fall irrevocably in love with failure, and success of any kind loses half its savour before it is experienced” (Green 173). To escape boredom he took his brother’s revolver and played Russian roulette as the men in the revolutionary war of the book he was reading. This game is described as “a man slipping a charge into a revolver and turning the chambers at random and his companion would put the revolver to his head and pull the trigger.” (173). Chances were six to one in favor of life. It’s clear the adolescent chose this dangerous “game” for a reason that girls wouldn’t, it’s about the gender myths of society as men being aggressive, tough and strong.

          Greene’s “The Revolver in the Cupboard” presents a young boy going through his “rite of passage” unconsciously. It presents how a seventeen-year-old boy can entertain himself with a revolver, indicating differences between boys and girls according to their gender myths created by society. Masculine myths are their aggressiveness, toughness, competitiveness, power and their need to prove to themselves how manly they are. Society expects men to be aggressive, tough, strong and independent. Every man wants to prove to society or sometimes to themselves, their manhood. This act of proving their manhood is often done unconsciously but important for teenage boys. 

Literary Contest: Poem

Fugitive Love

If it weren’t for fugitive love,

during day you would be my sun, at night my moon.

He escapes, hides, keeps quiet,

but never loves.

Seconds, minutes, hours pass

in the jail of this apathy.

The indifferent heart continues escaping

never leaving him to love.

Days, weeks, months pass

I continue dying in the Calvary

hoping that you wake up.

Only, if it weren’t for fugitive love.

“I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.”
― Nicholas Sparks, Dear John 

Bottom of Form

Extract: Domestic Violence Essay

Domestic violence reflected in the abused characters of the plays: “Two Can Play” by Trevor Rhone and “Trifles” by Susan Glaspell

Domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behavior, it’s a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you (Smith & Segal , 2011). Physical abuse is the use of physical force against another person in a way that ends up injuring the person, or puts the person at risk of being injured. Verbal or nonverbal abuse is more of a psychological, mental and emotional abuse and may include threatening or intimidating to gain compliance, destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions and other. (Benedictis, Jaffe, & Segal, 2006). Although the different types of domestic violence, verbal or nonverbal abuse can be much more emotionally damaging, as you can see in the abused characters of the readings: “Two Can Play” and “Trifles”.

Information of Domestic Violence

In Susan Glaspell’s play “Trifles”, someone murdered Mr. Wright, and that someone might have been his wife, the central figure of the play, Mrs. Wright. We can extract signs from the play that show that Mrs. Wright was abused with nonverbal actions, in other words, she was under psychological, mental and emotional abuse. After their wedding, Mrs. Wright was emotionally abused by being isolated from friends and family in a place that Mrs. Hale described as: “It never seemed a very cheerful place”(Glaspell, 1916). At the heart of her loneliness laid the abusive and tyrannical behavior of Mr. Wright.

In Trevor Rhone’s play “Two Can Play”, Gloria is abused in various ways. In her case, there’s physical and psychological abuse from her husband Jim. There is verbal and nonverbal abuse, for example when Jim screams at her and blames her for how he acts or feels. She is also economically abused because Jim withholds economic resources from her, and you can notice it when she says: “Jim, I haven’t spent a penny on myself in twenty years” (Rhone, 1984).

In conclusion, domestic violence isn’t simply a person physically hurting another. It implicates a lot more things like, psychological, mental and emotional abuses. Furthermore, these types of abuse are more damaging than physical abuse.

Reflection on Journal: First Thoughts

After writing five times a week for two months, I managed to fill forty-two entries on my journal. There were times I wasn’t concentrated and times were I was. There two kinds of levels in my entries: low and high points. My low points were when I wasn’t that concentrated on my writing, and as one of the rules of Natalie Goldburg state: “Don’t get logical”. This means that we shouldn’t think when we are writing are first thoughts, and there were times when all I would do is think. My high points were when I wasn’t stressed at all; times when I could just let myself go and not worry about anything.

My low points were during the week I went to Santo Domingo for the Republican Dominican Fashion Week, I was thinking of all the things I had to do, all the work I had and I was too logical. Also, the other people around me were distracting and it was my most tiring week of the two months. When I started to write during this week, I’d stop to think about what I was going to write rather than write my exact first thoughts. This situation alter the other rules as well, like, I didn’t kept my hand moving, I didn’t loose control nor I went for the jugular.

My high points were during the weeks before my trip and the last week of the entries. During this time, I had very little to worry about and I had recently won my title from the competition. I could write my first thoughts easily, I kept my hand moving, I didn’t worry about spelling or grammar, and I’d loose control and tried to go for the jugular. These non-stressful, non- distracting and happy moments of these weeks were my high points of the entries. Of course, when I’m happy, I’m more capable of expressing myself, rather than when I’m stressed I usually am reserved.

Overall, I think my writing process was great. I can say that I learned new things about myself, like, times were I’m stressed I can’t stop thinking and times were I’m not stressed I could care less about my thoughts, I just act. When I’m happy I can write easily, but when I’m disturbed I can’t. During the beginning of the project and during the stressful weeks I’d had problems writing my first thoughts, but besides those times, I could write not only my first thoughts but also all my thoughts and express myself.

Making Connections: Two Can Play

The characters in a play always relate to its setting and time. In any story or play that has a conflict, the characters configure the setting as well the setting configures the character. In this case, the setting is in Kingston, Jamaica in the late 1970’s. This time period in Jamaica had bad economic, political and social issues. There was a lot of violence and wars because of the bad decisions the government made and because the different political views. This type of setting can configure the characters to be desperate, sad, unsecured, depressed and scared. The characters can configure the setting by moving to another one or making the original setting to a better one. In a play, the setting can be a great modifier. The way the setting is managed can have a great impact on the play. In this case, if the author uses detailed information of the setting in the play, the audience would feel what the characters felt. This makes the play more realistic and interesting.

Bob Marley's "One Love"

Bob Marley was a recognized singer in the 1970’s as well. One of his popular songs: “One Love” relates to the characters in Trevor Rhome’s play: “Two Can Play”. For example, the verse: “One love, one heart. Let's get together and feel all right,” relates to the characters as they feel desperate, lonely and sad around all the bad economical, political and social situations happening around them but they know they need to get together and be strong with each other so they both can finally be happy. Bob Marley’s message is having one love and allowing for the unification of humanity. It is through the lyrics Marley acts out of note as a political activist, expressing his feelings for the stolen Africans forced to come to and fight for the United States. Marley’s songs bring people together with a simple message of peace. This goal is, and will continue to be, peace on Earth as it is in heaven.

Reflection on "Trifles" by Susan Glaspell

Susan Glaspell's "Trifles" 

Written in 1916, Susan Glaspell’s one-act play Trifles is loosely based on true events. As a young reporter, Glaspell covered a murder case in a small town in Iowa. Years later, she crafted a short play inspired by her experiences and observations.

The Sheriff and the County attorney investigate the house of Mr. Wright after his murder. The men are convinced that Mrs. Wright killed her husband, but haven't found no evidence.

As the two question the man who discovers the dead body, Mr. Hale, they make fun at the women and their "trifles". When the men search all the house to look for evidence, their wives examine the kitchen where they find clues pointing to Mrs. Wright's guilt. In other areas of the house, the women discover more clues, clues that the men overlook as mere "trifles". The condescending attitude of the investigators toward their wives make them feel unimportant and causes them to withhold the evidence.

The central theme of the play is that men don't appreciate women, this is why the wives hide the dead bird, as an act of loyalty to their gender and compassion to Mrs. Wright. The men within this play betray a sense of self-importance. They present themselves as tough, serious-minded detectives, when in truth they are not nearly as observant as the female characters. Their pompous attitude causes the women to feel defensive and form ranks. Not only do Mrs. Hale and Mrs. Peters bond, but they choose to hide evidence as an act of compassion for Mrs. Wright. Stealing the box with the dead bird is an act of loyalty to their gender and an act of defiance against a callous patriarchal society. 

 Domestic Abuse is reflected, at the heart of Mrs. Wright's loneliness lay the abusive Mr. Wright, whose tyrannical behavior causes his wife to murder him.

It was a good play, it really makes you think what women are capable of doing and how men don't realize it nor appreciates them.